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Home » Family Articles » When Painful Things Happen To Great People

When Painful Things Happen To Great People

Sarah Jane was a typical 9 year old girl with a very untypical question. Having just lost her closest friend to cancer, in the midst of her tearful, half hidden face, Sarah Jane sobbed out the question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

Like Sarah Jane, each of us experiences situations where we feel the pains of life's circumstances. For Sarah Jane it was losing a close friend to cancer, but for many of us it can be the pain experienced when someone spreads hurtful gossip about us, abuses us, betrays us, or simply jerks us around in life. Those circumstances might result in our losing a job, a friend, a love interest, a business deal, or the creation of a rift between family members. The pain we feel is very real, very deep, and sometimes very private. Most people near us don't understand the scope, or the depth of the pain we carry as a result of the emotional wounding we've experienced.

There are varying degrees of pain we often feel in response to situations inflicted upon us by life, or by people. Some levels of pain are small, some are not. For some, there are situations where the wound is so deep, they end up struggling to know how to get out from under the deep inner pain that results. It's in the midst of a surrounding, choking pain that many people struggle, not knowing what to do, or how to cope.

There are key steps that help us deal with life's pain. First, we need to privately admit to ourselves, we've been hurt, or are hurting! Own it, and recognize that whenever we experience a change in life that results in a loss, no matter how big or small, we will go through a grieving process. It's important to start at a place of honesty, recognizing your pain for what it is.

Secondly, (and this step in the process, is not easy, for it often goes against our human nature) the next step if the cause of our pain is an offense, is to forgive our offender. By forgiving our offender, we are not letting him or her off the hook as far as consequences are concerned. By forgiving, we're letting our self off the hook. We are giving up any motivation or thought of revenge. When a person refuses to forgive, they choose to carry the pain, the anger, the bitterness, of the situation around with them every minute of the day and night. The situation becomes an emotional wound that festers like an emotional infection. Until we forgive our offender, our offender ends up owning our emotions.

The third step in our process of responding to life's deep hurt's is to find a "safe" friend and share our pain with them. We all have friends in our lives, but what do I mean by the term "safe friend"? Safe friends are friends who listen to you, are empathetic with you, can advise you, but the most important quality in a safe friend, is the person's ability to respect confidentiality. Not all friends are "safe friends". "Safe friends" are often few and far between. "Safe friends" can be a current friend, a counselor, a priest, a therapist, a law enforcement officer, someone who's been through a similar situation, or a person recommended to you by a friend who feels they simply can't help you but know of a better person who could.

Finally, at some point in our daily life, we need to carry on in life. If we don't carry on in life, then we're choosing to let our offender win, and we're choosing to be our offender's victim. While this can be difficult to hear when we're in the depths of a painful experience, being a "victim" is a choice, it's a mental state, and it can be terribly crippling. For those caught in a victim mentality, they are in the position of strength, for they can choose to no longer be a victim by removing themselves from the situation. If we are being abused or bullied by a person, and we remove our self from that situation, then our abuser or bullier has no more power over us.

Recently, a woman began to share her story of a serious internal family conflict with her brother. The situation was critical and she shared how she was considering using a gun as a solution against her abusive drug addicted sibling. Her pain was real, as was the abuse, but the use of a gun is never a solution, for it would haunt her in years to come at every family event. Her brother would end up owning her emotions from his grave. For this lady, her solution lay in forgiveness, then seeking out a "safe" friend in the law enforcement or legal community who could help her establish safe legal boundaries with this sibling. Those boundaries might take on the form of a drug rehabilitation intervention program, perhaps a restraining order, or jail time. While these boundaries might seem harsh for a family member to consider, in the presence of illegal drugs, harsh steps and strong boundaries must be respected. The establishing of proper boundaries is always a healthy life direction, and the best way for people to remove themselves from the role of a victim.

When life really hurts, there are positive solutions that empower us to live life to the fullest in spite of our wounding. As with Sarah Jane, in time, we can bounce back, we can smile again, we can laugh, and we can rise above the hurt we carry deep inside.

And here is another random article you might be interested in...

Lawn & Landscape Business Owners - Don't Buy Yourself A Job

Most businesses consist of the owner only or the owner and a few employees. The owner continues to do the same activity whether it is labor or crew management for many years. He gets into the "comfort zone" or "rut" and does the same thing day in and day out.

You need to put your time and energies into growing your lawn business or landscape business. This needs to be directed toward advertising, marketing, or other services.

Good employees are needed to run the daily activities of a lawn business.The things you are doing now.Filling your labor or management position is crucial for your continued growth.

Some people tell me that it's tough or scary to let the employees run a large part of the business.

Yes, it may be uncomfortable but you need to ask yourself "Do I want to be doing the same activity in my business 5, 10, or 15 years from now. If you do that's fine.

So what we have are 2 choices 1. Do the same activity in your business years from now that you are doing today 2. Put some major responsibility on the eployees and GROW your business.

Number 2 is not easy and can be difficult and stressful.

You have to, have to, have to think about the FUTURE and the end result.

Your business should not become dependent on you. Additionally, I've seen many employees actually do a better job in the position the owner gave up than the owner.

The owner should spend time

1. Advertising
2. Marketing
3. Making the business more profitable
4. Building relationships w/ customers
5. Internet and website
6. Adding additional services

Write a plan and clear objective of how to make a successful lawn business run without you.

Don't just turn your employees lose and say go get em.Make sure they all know their job. Everything will work much smoother this way.

Give employees titles and certain responsibilities, and hold them accountable. Titles can make employees feel wanted and appreciated. When they do something good acknowledge it and praise them. If they screw up, introduce them to a better way to avoid the problem the next time. Encourage them to ask questions. Tell them there are no stupid questions just stupid mistakes.

You must listen to their needs not just hear what they are saying. Ask them occasionally, "Do you see any areas that can be improved upon or do you have any suggestions to make the business run smoother?" Ask them about the chemistry of the crew such as "Is there someone here slowing the crew down or is a disruption to the performance?"

We talked about the comfort zone earlier. I want to share with a short story..

There was a native tribe in South America who had been dying prematurely from a strange sickness for many generations. Scientists were sent in to find out the cause of the strange disease. It was finally discovered that the disease was caused by the bite of an insect, which lives in the walls of their homes. The natives had several options:

1. They can destroy the insects with insecticides
2. They can destroy and rebuild their homes
3. They can move to another location where there are no such insects
4. They can continue to live at the same place and die early, as they had been doing for generations.

The saddest thing is that they chose to remain as they were and died early.

THE POINT IS- It is sad that most people have fear and don't like changes. They are comfortable with what they are, where they are, and they would rather die than change. The comfort zone is a dangerous place to be in, and you may not even realize that you are in it.

You have all this money invested in equipment and if are doing the same activity in the business that you really aren't happy doing, you have actually "Bought Yourself a Job". Please don't make that mistake.

Best of Luck