There Are No Dumb Business Questions, Not!

Q: I'm curious. What is the dumbest business question you've ever been asked? -- Norris W.

A: Shame on you, Norris. There is no such thing as a dumb business question. OK, that's not exactly true. There are dumb business questions and I do get quite a few of them. Not through this column, of course. People intelligent enough to actually use a computer and surf the World Wide Web would never submit dumb questions now, would they. OK, that's a lie, too. I've gotten a few head-scratchers in response to this column. You know who you are, but don't worry, your secret is safe with me.

I have a confession to make. Writing an advice column, whether it be advice for love or money or business, is often hard to do with a straight face. Occasionally a question comes over the digital transom that just makes me go, "Huh?"

It's kind of like trying to stifle a giggle when Grandma breaks wind at Sunday dinner. Some things are just better left ignored.

Of course it's hard to blame a dumb business question on the dog.

I've been writing advice columns for a long time. Most of the requests for advice I receive are sincere and intelligent, and as a (usually) sincere and (somewhat) intelligent columnist, I feel obligated to dispense the best advice I can for the betterment of the person who asked the question.

However, once in a while a real stinker hits the old email box and it takes everything I've got to resist shooting back an answer that is worthy of the question asked.

In other words, when I get a dumb question, my gut reaction is to respond with an answer of equal intelligence, or the lack thereof. Something subtle, like, "Forget business, my friend. The best thing you can do for mankind is to go find a pair of sharp scissors and run... really fast..."

Stupid is as stupid does, Forrest. Greater words of wisdom have rarely been offered before or since.

Then I remember that as an advice columnist I have a duty to my reader, my editor, my publisher, and above all, to my family, who enjoys eating on a regular basis. There aren't too many openings for smart aleck writers anymore (darn that Dave Berry), so I bite my tongue and respond to the question as intelligently as I can. That usually involves requesting more information from the reader so I can offer an informed answer. It's not as satisfying as firing off a sarcastic retort, but it is much better on the old bank account.

Since you asked the question, Norris, I feel obligated to give you an answer. What is the dumbest business question I've ever been asked? I'll let you decide.

The following are real questions from real people that are running around loose among us. If you recognize your question please don't be offended. This is all in good fun and remember, ridicule is the sincerest form of flattery. Or something like that.

Here's a question I get at least once a week: "I have never been in business before, but I think I'd be really good at it. Can you tell me what would be the best business for me to start?"

Hmm, how about one that involves the Psychic Hotline, since that's who I will have to consult to answer your question. I don't know anything about you, your background, your abilities, your talents, your experience, or anything else. How can I possibly tell you what would be the best business for you? Who do I look like, Miss Cleo?

Here's one of my favorites: "I need to make a lot of money really fast. What business should I start?"

You need to make a lot of money fast, huh. No problem. I have one word for you, my friend: counterfeiting... Somebody hand me an umbrella. It's raining stupid in here.

Here's an oldie but a goodie: "I have a killer business idea, but I don't have any money. Do you ever invest in businesses or just give advice?" Unfortunately, I only invest in non-lethal business ideas, so I'll have to pass on your killer idea. Thanks for thinking of me, though. This window is now closed...

And my all-time favorite: "I have a great product that nobody wants to buy. How can I make customers buy my product."

How can you make a customer buy your product? Piece of cake, buddy boy. Try using the same method I use to make my kids mind. Threaten to put your customer in time out if he doesn't buy something from you right this second! Don't make me get up and sell you something, young man...

I could go on, but I think the point is made. Keep those cards and letters coming, boys and girls. It's readers like you that make this job so darn interesting.

Here's to your success.

Tim Knox tim@dropshipwholesale.net


And here is another random article you might be interested in...

Reaping The Amazing Benefits of Writing E-zine Articles

Marketing on a budget is tough. This is a universal truth that all small business owners face. The most effective small business frugal marketing strategy available is writing and submitting articles to web sites, e-zines, magazines and newsletters. Listed below are some of the amazing benefits you can gain by using this technique.

1) Article creation and submission is a totally free marketing method! The only cost is a few hours of your time to write an article and offer it for publication.

2) Well written articles position the author as an expert while increasing credibility and educating readers about their business, services and products. Many internet gurus started their careers by writing and publishing articles on the internet.

3) Article authors are granted a by-line with each article that will allow readers to click through to a web site where they can be converted to e-zine subscribers for paying customers.

4) A good article can be used over and over again when customized for different audiences thereby reducing the need for you to write new articles as often.

5) Many publications will archive your article on their web site giving you a lasting method of promotion.

6) Writing and submitting articles will help you obtain incoming links to your web site. These are not "link farm" quality links – these are the highest quality links available and they affect your search engine rankings accordingly

7) Your article can be published on your web site, optimized for search engines and submitted accordingly in order to increase your search engine traffic.

8) The more articles you write and publish on your web site the longer your visitors will stay and explore your site.

9) You can use your published articles to reach potential affiliates or joint venture partners who will, in turn, promote your business for you.

10) In addition to promoting your business, services and products you can write articles to promote your favorite affiliate program to supplement your income.

Even if you have little writing talent you can hire a ghostwriter to create an effective, informative article using your byline and then you can use that article to bring in more visitors to your web site, more subscribers to your newsletter and more paying customers to your business. The key is understanding that a well-written, entertaining and informational article is worth more than a paid advertisement in any publication. As

your marketing budget grows you can add emphasis to your article by purchasing a small e-zine ad in the publication for the same date your article will be published.

Writing and submitting articles is a free promotion tool, but it does take time. It will take several hours to submit an article to every available submission site and it can take six to eight weeks for publication. However, once your article is published it will create a long lasting stream of targeted visitors to your site that no other promotion method can accomplish. With each subsequent submission the process will be faster and easier.

The author grants reprint permission to all venues so long as the copyright and by-line are included intact.

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About Bonnie Jo Davis

Bonnie Jo Davis is an experienced shoestring marketer who has handled article submission projects for herself and her clients for over eight years. For more information about article submission and a free excerpt of her new e-book "Articles That Sell" visit http://www.ArticlesThatSell.com